Over the last decade, whenever I get enquiries about the moving meditation/somatic sessions, the most common response is “Oh! I don’t think I’m ready for that!” or “I’m not sure I can do that”. For the most part, I just acknowledge the response and let them know they will be welcome anytime they feel they might be ready.
The feedback I get it that they are too self conscious, or that they might embarrass themselves, or that they might do something stupid, or that they might do something that someone else might see. It all feels just a bit too different and possibly too revealing.
I get that. I was exactly the same before I did the method. I’ve written about my first time doing the method (here) and how I did my best to self sabotage so I didn’t have to go. It felt like the most overwhelming thing I could do and so I tried to style it out by claiming it sounded “a bit weirdy” and that “it’s not really my thing”. But that was a lie because I LOVE dancing and I love music. Music is one thing that soothes me. I can get lost for days in my music (and I do). I rarely cook a meal without music blasting me through the process. The kids and I have a kitchen disco every night as we clean and clear the kitchen after our evening meal. Every car journey is filled with all of our music (there is less vying over who gets the front passenger seat than as to who gets to dj).
So what did I really mean but “it’s not my thing”? What I really meant was I wasn’t sure of what was coming. I wasn’t sure if it was going to be manageable- well- more than that, I wasn’t sure I could control the session. So, my whole system was telling me “nope”.
However, as I said before, I was a people pleaser, so I went to the session… and that is where it all changed and I thought I’d give a bit of my experience during that session. As soon as the music started in that darkened room, and we closed our eyes and started the breath of fire, I knew something was coming. To begin with, I went with the guided instructions. I managed to smile at myself as I tried the Shake for the first time, as I quickly realised the 2 suppers I’d eaten were giving me indigestion. What a direct way to see I was a pro in self sabotage! Then we started moving to music designed to set us off on our inner enquiry. We moved with our eyes closed and we invited to follow whatever came up for us and move however it made us feel. That is the somatic enquiry. What came up for me? A burning and almost unbearable cascade of insecurity. I had a rising fear that maybe everyone else was watching me and could see what an idiot I was- me in a dark room following the driving beat and travelling with the melodies. I got The Fear and wondered if I could either a) disappear or b) how many people in the room would I have to take down to get out of there. As the overwhelm got louder, I couldn’t get out of my head that they’d all see what an idiot I really am- and so I peeped. I opened my eyes and decided to face what I knew was going on (that everyone was looking at me)… and what i was met with was a room full of people deep in their own worlds, moving, sitting, swaying, and not one of them had even noticed me. Not one. Not one was thinking about what I looked like. Not one was judging me. Not one. In that moment I realised they were all just in their own universes, and that that is how most people spend the majority of their time. I’d spent a lifetime feeling I didn’t quite fit in and that people thought I was odd but that moment was a pivotal shift for me. I let it go. I realised we are all just doing what we can to be okay in this time and place and that was the real start of my coming back to myself. Not a word spoken. No need to try to find rational words- it all just came through my body and I got to shift it. It was glorious. The idea of dancing with others can feel a bit over exposing. It is strange really though. Moving to a beat is hard wired into our bodies. Babies will move to a beat within a couple of months of being born. Humans have danced together for tens of thousands of years (at least) as a way to communicate, resolve conflict, strengthen community bonds, and as a really fast way to feel better (how many of us feel worse after dancing?!)
We can use the body, rather than needing to find words, To help bring some resolution in the body (switch to rest and relaxation, rather than being a in a stress state of fight or flight). It's sometimes known as 'bottom up processing'. Using breath (and movement) to bring oxygen and blood flow back to the brain. With oxygen levels increasing, this signals to the brain that we are safe and so there is space for the break pedal to work and the nervous system can switch to relax. Then there is space to remember we have a body and to be able to tune into our feelings, empotions, stresses, thoughts, and to move with them.
"Taking action is the core issue. It's in action that people take back their power and create healing, and words cannot substitute for action." Bessel Van Der Kolk.
The method we use movement, breath, and rhythm to help us soften and we close our eyes to give our imagination space to play. It's hands down the easiest, most enjoyable way, I've ever found to clear out my busy head and get my body moving.
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